Welcome to my blog. It has become therapy for me and I hope you laugh and cry when reading it. Why cry? Because that is what I want to do on a daily basis because I am either laughing hysterically or becuase I don't know what else to do and murder is still illegal! Enjoy!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Biology 101

This is a two for one! I know it's Throwback Thursday but I have a few recent comments that fit right in . . . .
When Andrew was a baby we said we wanted to make sure he knew the correct terms for his body parts. And we meant it - not like my uncle who said he would teach my cousin the right terms and not use any "silly names" . . . . who wound up making up names for everything. That still makes my mom laugh!
Anyway, some of you know that I used to volunteer (and eventually work) for AIDS Rochester. As a volunteer I would go to different schools - mainly high schools - and give talks on HIV/AIDS and staying safe. At my lovely alma mater, I started out talking in health classes. On World AIDS Day I was asked to come in and give a couple of talks - so I ended up talking to the entire school during three or four assemblies. When I worked at ARI, I was constantly talking to clients about . . . . private issues (I am trying to stay G rated). Yes, there is a point to this! The point is, I am not bothered when it comes to talking about certain things. So when it came time to teach the boys correct terms, that was a piece of cake!
BUT . . . . . when I worked at ARI, we had a funny term that was used in the staff room - Manly Unit. GO ahead, laugh. It's funny. In a job like that humor is needed. Well, we started to use it around Andrew and Timmy when they were really little - and they started to use it, too. Yes, they learned the correct term, but Manly Unit is freaking hysterical - especially coming from a two year old.
Now when it was bathtime, Rich invented a new term . . . . undercarriage. He needed to make sure things were washed and rinsed so he told them to stand up so their undercarriage could rinsed! Wellllllllll, it was fine until they learned how funny farts are. Once, someone said "Oh Nelly!" right after one of the boys let one go (and promptly peeled the paint in the kitchen walls). The term "Oh Nelly!" took off! Add all of that together and you wind up with adults rolling on the floor laughing with tears running down their faces - ultimately encouraging the innocent little two and three year olds in front of them. I believe the exact quote was, "Daddy! Did you know Oh Nelly's come from my under carriage!" . . . . . followed by the next statement (seriously - same conversation) . . ."EWWW! Timmy just rrrriiiiiippppppppppppped one!".
*sigh* It's only gotten worse!

Now for the more recent comments from Timmy . . . .
He is very in gymnastics (remember the training for London 2012?!). We enrolled him in a class at a real gymnastics training center. No, we don't think we have the next Nadia or Mary Lou - wait, wrong gender. You get what I mean! It's something that he is good at, enjoys, and needs to learn how to do things safely. Aren't I such a killjoy?
Lately he has been practicing his headstand and handstand - he is bound and determined to learn a front handspring on his own. The little snot is actually pretty close to learning it, too! One day he fell over (which has become his new hobby - he is the king of pratfalls) and started laughing. It was pretty funny so we all laughed - and then he announced that he had fallen on his ....................
I don't know - don't even try to ask. I guess it goes along with his headcap, and elbowpad - all of which are part of his body but certainly aren't part of mine!   

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Is it Time Warner Cable time?

If you haven't figured it out yet, Andrew likes numbers. I know, that was the "no duh" understatement of the year. I almost wanted to warn his poor teacher - but I figured she needed to figure it out just like we did! And, yes, we LOVE his teacher. I did a happy dance (Snoopy & Woodstock style) when I opened our teacher assignment and saw her name. And, no, I am not just saying that because she is most likely reading this. We really do love her.
When it comes to telling time, Andrew is . . . . . . I don't even know the word. At bedtime he will give us a kiss and then tell us that we are having friends over in 14 hours and 43 minutes. I can't make that up. I am also embarrassed to say that it takes us a minute to figure out that he is right (not that we don't believe him because that would be like not believing that grass is green). It's not like he sits there counting on his fingers or has things figured out before we come in - he just knows. It's freaky in a cool and scary way.
When it comes to telling time, he lives by Time Warner Cable time. He rolled his eyes (shocker) at me because I set the oven clock to one minute BEHIND TWC time. What - me do things to annoy my children? Nah. *cough* Timmy has joined the love of TWC time, too. He actually asked Jill and Bob if their clock was set to TWC. We should get residuals from TWC.
Needless to say, learning how to tell time at school was boring for him. Not that we blame his teacher - it's an important thing to know and she needs to make sure the class learns it. She didn't know Rainman Jr was in her class! I knew it would be interesting when I saw the classroom clock labeled with '10 after', 'quarter after', 'half past' . . . . . I couldn't wait for the telling time lesson! Again, I could have warned his teacher but why save her when we had to learn the hard way? Besides, she needs someone to talk about at home! I am totally fine with Andrew being "that kid" . . . . he is entertaining and unique. (I keep telling myself that those are good things)  
We didn't have to wait long. The lesson came in the first full week of school. I will say that we (thankfully) have a son that is VERY respectful to his teachers and would not let on how utterly bored he was. That being said, telling Timmy and Rich about it at home was a slightly different story . . . .
Rich: "Andrew, how was school?"
Andrew: "We learned about clocks." (said in slight disgust)
Timmy: "DUDE! You already know about clocks!" (total shock in his voice - mixed with a tinge of pity)
Andrew: "Well, apparently my teacher didn't realize that." (total deadpan with emphasis on the word apparently and dripping with sarcasm)


It's going to be a long year for his teacher. And like it isn't bad enough having Andrew in class . . . Nick and Spencer are in his class (again - don't these people ever learn!?!) AND this poor woman gets to see me more than she probably would like - we are on a committee together and I volunteer a lot. Lucky her! Don't worry - we give good gifts!

Monday, September 20, 2010

Sunday happenings . . . . continued.

I knew I would have more to add . . . . I know, I always do! (shut up, Chris)

Yesterday afternoon we were planning on trying to tie-dye peace signs on shirts ('cause that is how we hippies roll). 'Trying' would be the operative word. In fact, it took the two of us - both reasonably intelligent people - 45 minutes to figure it out. And that was WITH a video tutorial. Not mentioning names (but it rhymes with Rich), someone had been folding the shirts wrong. Oh yeah - there was also the minor fact that it's easier to do when the shirt is already wet - which makes using the water soluble fabric marking pen difficult to work with. Just sayin'. We FINALLY got it figured out - then there was no stopping us! We did five peace sign shirts, a pair of pillow cases (we had LOTS of extra orange dye left), and an extra shirt for Andrew.  Not to mention the tie-dying (camo!) we did on Saturday night with our closeted hippie friends.
Obviously, we like to tie-dye. Not that the haphazard designs we have been doing aren't cool, but there is much more to the tie-dye world! We are only just getting our feet wet! Well, actually it's more getting our hands wet but that isn't the point. The point is, we need to learn more.
I am kind of thinking that Michael's doesn't have too many classes on how to tie dye. And considering we live in Rochester and not Hippie meccas like Austin, Texas or Portland, Oregon . . . . . I need a book. Yes, hippies read. So I said to Rich, "Innocent enough, right? What could go wrong with that comment?
Andrew could go wrong with that.
He thought I said, "We really should get a book about patterns for tie dye SHOES" and started chanting .....
"Tie dye shoes! Tie dye shoes! Tie dye shoes!"

Did it end there? Of course not - otherwise I wouldn't have this silly blog!
At dinner Timmy decided that his chicken tenders were FINALLY cool enough to eat. And by cool, I mean stone cold - I have no idea why we bother cooking things for him. We, of course, were 3/4 done with our dinner so we have plenty of time to talk to each other. PLENTY of time. As a side note, we will be holding Tim and Sofia's wedding reception soon. They eat at the same pace and we want to live long enough to make it through the festivities - and we want grandchildren before we are 80.
Back to Timmy's fine dining . . . . so he starts to eat but realizes that he doesn't have ranch. The horror! Neither of my kids can have a meal without ranch of ketchup (usually both). When they saw their lovely uncle empty a bag of potato chips into a bowl, douse it with ketchup, and eat it like cereal their eyes lit up. I, on the other hand, wanted to kill my parent's youngest child. (like how I did that - deflected all genetic factors right to my mom and dad!)
Timmy also has the habit of not watching what he is doing. That may come as a shock to some of you, but really - it's true! He wasn't watching the ranch come out of the bottle and almost ended up with a lake of ranch on his plate - all for a whopping four chicken tenders. Rich "yelled" at him and told him to start paying more attention. While Rich was talking to him, Timmy was laughing. Another shocker, I know. So Rich asked him to stop laughing so he could listen to what was being said.
Big mistake - remember, you need to bring your A game with these kids. All.of.the.time.
"But dad! My mouth can't stop smiling!"
And that folks was the end of that "lecture". I couldn't even look at Rich - I had my head on the table to hide the tears of laughter that we literally rolling down my cheeks.

Maybe I should install those video cameras . . . . just to really prove that this is my life.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Life according to Timmy

I know, it's a loaded title. I just wanted to give even more insight to our world - one that Timmy allows us to be a part of. Take yesterday . . . . . . I finished setting up the Halloween village and decorations - the house looks very festive! Timmy came up to us and asked, "What day of Halloween do we trick-or-treat?"
He asked again . . . . with a slight tinge of 'you are the dumbest parents on the planet' tone.
Again, huh?
Rich simply said, "Sunday."
Now the tone was 'you are the dumbest parents in the galaxy and how did I get stuck with you' mixed with an eyeroll . . . . .
"But WHAT Sunday?"
Rich: "Sunday, October 31st - you know, HALLOWEEN."
Nope, no sarcasm there.
Timmy: "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! You mean Halloween is only one day?"

Today has not been much different in Timmyland . . . . .
He and Andrew had been playing in the basement when he came running up and asked me if I knew how to play 'Rock, paper, scissors, shoe'.
I gave him the dog head tilt - so did Rich.
I asked is he meant 'rock, paper, scissors' . . . you guessed it - eyeroll, sigh, dumb parent thing . . . NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He MEANT 'rock, paper, scissors, SHOE!'
Silly me.
I asked him to show me . . .
Wait for it  .................................
"Rock, paper, scissors . . . SHOE!"
Yup. He thought it was 'shoe' - not 'SHOOT'.
When he went to show scissors, he made them look like a gun - totally on accident. So, he wanted to use a shoe but tried to use a gun to shoot my paper when he really wanted to cut it.

But it gets better. Didn't think it was possible? Have you not met Timmy?

A few minutes ago he came up from the basement and yelled (even though we were in the same room),
"I am hungry!"  (shocker)
We didn't answer - he was merely making a statement. Yes, we can be just as passive aggressive.
Then he yelled, "Can. I. Have. A. SNACK???????????????" (in a voice best described as the devil meets Edith Bunker)
Me: "Of course"
Timmy: "OK! But first! I have to go to the bathroom!" (said in his best superhero voice)

After a minute, he comes back (hands washed, thankfully) and proceeds to get his snack. All of a sudden we hear a loud thud/crash followed by "I'm OK!" . . . . . .
Phew - I was ready to call 911 and The National Guard! I am SO glad he was ok! Crisis averted!
About 10 seconds later we hear, "Can the dogs eat Sunchips?"
Rich: "They can have a couple - not a lot!"
Genius boy: "Two?"
Rich: "Yes, that's fine"
Genius boy: "Ummm, how about three?"
"Wait! How about four?"


And it isn't even 3:00.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Giant Pepper in Syracuse (playing basketball)

To continue with our travelogue . . . . . not only did we go to Jamestown and Dansville, we went to Syracuse for the NYS Fair! Could the summer get any better? I mean really, what could possibly top Dansville and Jamestown? Not much - but seeing Giant Pepper was close!
Wait . . . . back the bus up! Giant Pepper?!? You are most likely wondering WHO that is. If not, then you and Timmy have a bond that can't (and shouldn't) be explained - or talked about in public. I know I have mentioned that our boys love out "hippie" music. They want Derek Trucks to give them guitar lessons. They know the Mike Mattison is in two bands. They know 99% of the lyrics to Susan Tedeschi's songs. We are proud! They both LOVE Giant Pepper. Timmy thinks he is really cool - and he's one of Timmy's favorite singers. They think it's really cool that mommy got to see him in concert - and that Nana went, too! Timmy's second favorite song has Giant Pepper singing.
So, who is Giant Pepper? Well, it's none other than John Popper! Duh!?! Who else would it be?  Timmy actually thought his name was Giant Pepper - and when he asked me to play a Giant Pepper song, I was stumped. It took me a minute to figure it out - Timmy finally had to tell me he wanted to hear "I Shall be Released". And yes, I got the "Duh mom" eyeroll attitude. Don't know where he got it . . . .
When we told the boys that we were taking them to the concert, they were psyched! Now that Timmy has his name figured out, instead of seeing Blues Traveler, we saw the John Popper Band. I think Timmy's name change kind of takes the coolness factor out and adds a geriatric factor. I tried to correct him but - well, most of you know how much fun THAT is. (shut up, peanut gallery)
The concert was amazing - so amazing that Timmy fell asleep 2/3 of the way through and Andrew played his DS. In all fairness, we had been at Rich's company picnic all afternoon so it had been a long day. The boys did enjoy it and loved when I brought them up front so I could get a few pictures. Tiimy said that the music was loud - should he be the pot or the kettle?
BUT . . . . in order to GET to the concert, we had to go to Syracuse. No big deal - hop on the thruway and drive for an hour. The boys were fine until we said something about almost being in Syracuse. Now, I can't tell you exactly how the rest of the conversation went because it involved Timmy. If I remember and understand it, he thought we were going to a basketball game at the State Fair before we saw The John Popper Band. Don't ask - I don't know. We patiently explained that Syracuse is a city, the State Fair is held once a year in Syracuse, and we were going to see BLUES TRAVELER.
Then came the comment of the day . . . .
"Oh!!! Syracuse is so famous that they named the city after the basketball team!"
I can't make it up. Seriously.
Then he informed us that he wants to work at the fair when he is older. He said that he won't own his music store so he could work the fair - but then decided that he could do both and just take a vacation to work the fair. . . .  "Just like people who work at Wegmans do when they work the fair."
Again, seriously. He and Sofia are going to roam the country working as carnies . . . . and being groupies for the John Popper Band - which by then will live up to the new geriatric name!

Monday, September 13, 2010

The Smithsonian is calling . . . .

And they want their microwave back!
Over Labor Day Weekend we went to Dansville. I know, I know - we are so well travelled! The boys have no idea how lucky they are - first Jamestown and then Dansville . . . both in the same month!!! I don't know if they have recovered from the excitement or not - we want to take them to NYC but I think it will be such a letdown after our world class trips during the month of August!
Anyway, we went for the Festival of Balloons. Last year we got to see the balloons take off on Friday night and it was so beautiful that we wanted to see them take off in the morning. Well, they take off at about 6:30 - yes, A.M.! Since we had no desire to wake up at 3:00 and drive to Dansville, we stayed with Jennifer's parents. I have to add that Donna and Paul could not have been nicer and more welcoming - it was wonderful!!
Friday night was pretty windy and cool - so no balloons. Instead we sat around, ate, and drank. The kids had a ball playing - we had a ball hanging out. We mostly sat around the kitchen table (after all, it was where the pizza and beer was). The kitchen table happens to be in front of the microwave. Pretty normal, right?
Not so much. You see, Paul and Donna have a microwave that is older than me. Seriously. I am pretty sure it was made in the early 1970s and can cook a turkey in 30 seconds. There is nothing wrong with the microwave - other than it doesn't have a clock and I found myself looking at it several times to check the time. It's just old. Ancient in terms of technology.
We laughed (a lot) about it and Chris told us that they have offered for YEARS to buy them a new one. Not a chance - they are happy with it! If nothing else, it's a great conversation piece. Which leads me to the point of this blog entry. Andrew. Yup . . . my little sweet boy.
You may know that Rich and I are a little sarcastic Only a tiny bit. Well, the kids are a wee bit sarcastic, too. I think that they got most of it from Rich. Andrew and Timmy are both hysterical - but in different ways. Timmy is just Timmy. You can't really describe him. He just is. He does what he does. Andrew on the other hand has some of the best one-liners I have ever heard. He is more the straight man with the dry sense of humor - but he knows EXACTLY when to use his humor. He has understood and used sarcasm since he was two years old (we were so proud!).
OK, back to the microwave from the Montgomery Ward Museum . . . . . so we were sitting in the kitchen and Andrew came running in to grab some trail mix. OK, so he came in to pick through it and get the blue and orange M&Ms . . but that's not the point.
He came running in and stopped - looked up at the microwave and proceeded to say . . . . .

"Is that a microwave? What is this, 1934?"

He is only a little sarcastic. Just a tiny bit. And he inherited it from his father.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Free at last!!!!!!!!!!!

I know, I know . . . . the blog is a bit stale! We have had a busy week - school started!!!!! YEEE HAW! Andrew started on Tuesday morning and Timmy started Wednesday. I wanted to play Reveille both mornings but I thought that might be a bit over the top. Who was I kidding? Timmy was ready for the bus at 7:55 (the bus comes between 8:30-8:40)! He was REALLY mad that he couldn't go to school on Tuesday. I am sure Andrew would have gladly switched places with him. When the bus FINALLY came on Wednesday, Timmy didn't even say good-bye. Before I could even lift my camera up, he had weaseled his way so he was first on the bus and plopped down in the first seat with the biggest smile EVER. No picture on the bus steps. No hug. No wave. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Not that I was crying - I was trying to find the best spot to try my first backflip ever. But a picture would have been nice - I don't even have one of us with him! I was able to sneak a quick picture before our wonderfully patient bus driver (Mr. Gerry) shut the door - as he was laughing. 
The joke was on Timmy though. I had volunteered to help the kindergartners get off the bus and find their teacher. Ha! He knew I would be there but he thought he could sweet talk me into letting him walk to his teacher alone. Fat chance bubba! He was not a happy camper. I even got an eye roll from him! I told him tough nuggies - I was there and he had to deal with it. It's not that I thought he would get lost or wanted extra time with my baby . . . . I thought it would be fun! (ok, and I knew it would tick him off) Thankfully our neighbor was happy to have me there to help him to his class. I also got to give Sofia and Brooke extra hugs and kisses. Is it sad that the only time I even remotely teared up was when I saw Brooke? I was so proud of her and how awesome she was doing . . . and that beautiful smiling face - I got choked up!!! Then I thought of how many times I could say "Told ya so" to Jill and Bob . . . and laughed! (early in the summer Brooke told us that she outright refused to go to school - so we have all been working on the idea of school . . . I had faith in her!!) Sofia was great, too - but there were never doubts about her being OK in school - she and Timmy will be running the place in about three weeks. The Three Musketeers see each other in lunch so all is right in the world!!
OH!!!! We also just found out that little Miss Brooke has been "visiting" Timmy during the day! I guess that she makes a side trip to Timmy's classroom and waves each time she goes to the bathroom. And, no, her classroom is NOT on the way to the bathroom - it's down a totally separate hall! I love that girl!
As for Andrew . . . . well, let's just say that he is back in class with Nick and Spencer. Wouldn't you think that they would have learned from last year? No, I am not talking about The Three Stooges being together - they are fine. I am talking about putting the parents together! We are far worse than the boys. Far worse. I wonder if we will be allowed to volunteer together this year?!?

I have a few stories waiting to be told . . . . . one about a microwave, one about a clock, one about scotch beer - oh wait . . . that was from Chris the other night. Never mind!

The gang! Andrew, Ty, Timmy, Joey & Danny
(who has to wait a couple of years!)
That is our only picture of Timmy . . . .
see his foot ON the bus? 


Friday, September 3, 2010


So last night we decided to cave and shop for a mattress for the spare bedroom - because you know, we are swamped with overnight guests ALLLLLLL of the time! We can't even begin to tell you how many people are on the waiting list for the Buck Bed & Breakfast. Maybe it's the fine company. No? Hmmm, I bet people heard about Rich's pulled pork & beef (brisket). PG people, PG. No? The beer! That's it! People have heard all about his home brew! The Caribou Slobber has become world famous! Really - no?
You mean that I am imagining all of those people beating down our front door? Huh. Must be my ears ringing from how loud the kids are! No, seriously - I know many of you think that they are quiet little things but they are really demons in disguise! Hard to believe but it's true! (said in my best impersonation of our Irish friend Trevor)

Ok, so we really needed a mattress because that darned kid of Rich's (Timmy) decided he had to outgrow his crib. As you saw in yesterday's blog, he actually scaled it - therefore making the decision for us to HAVE to get him a bed. Dang kid! We have promised many people that they could stay at our house for various upcoming events so we thought it might be a good idea to have something for them to sleep on! We're quick like that. So off we went to Sears because they were having a sale - you know that Labor Day means sleep so of course mattresses are on sale . . . . then again, there is a store near us that claims they are having a "Back to School" sale for mattresses - whatever floats their boats!
Anyway . . . . as Rich and I were looking at different mattresses, we looked over to find Andrew sitting on one - "meditating". Yup, in the middle of Sears. We won't mention to him that he was giving everyone the "OK" sign rather than using the more traditional and well known meditation pose . . . . that's not the point. OK, so it kind of is . . . . it was funny. Only my kid would find SEARS the perfect place to meditate for the first time . . . .

Thursday, September 2, 2010


Bet you didn't know that before Aquaman came to town, we had SuperTimmy! He was the younger version of Aquaman - kind of an Aquaman-in-training idea. His main goal was to free young toddlers and their stuffed animals from the nasty confines of their jails (or, as mean moms and dads call them - cribs)! He was able to scale the side of a crib in mere seconds - without making a sound!!!!!!!!!
No - really, he could. Guess how we found out? When he came down from his nap one day - he has JUST turned two. On his own. With the crib side still up. Trust me - I checked. It was still up and no chairs are near his crib. Andrew hadn't had time to build a staircase, either. He was super quiet about it, too - I hadn't heard ANYTHING. I took him back up and asked him to show me what he did. The little stinker happily climbed back INTO his crib to show me how he climbed OUT of it. I was standing right next to him and still didn't hear anything.
Then he thought it was a game - and he used the opportunity to show Andrew how to do it. I know you will find this hard to believe, but Andrew (even at 3) isn't as light on his feet as Timmy. He had no trouble with the climbing aspect but he wasn't fooling anyone with the fact that he was doing it. I think it registered as a 3.2 on the Richter Scale.
The climbing continued for a couple of weeks (yes, we allowed it - he liked it and well, it was funny) until we changed his crib into the dreaded toddler bed. Which (of course) he feel out of numerous times - but never woke up when he did. That noise sounded like a herd of elephants was jump-roping in Timmy's room. It didn't take long for him to turn his toddler bed into a piece of gymnastics equipment. He only used the toddler bed while Rich's dad made a real bed (queen sized) for him. And we all know what kind of flips he does on his bed now . . . . .  *sigh*

Almost there . . .