Life according to Timmy

I know, it's a loaded title. I just wanted to give even more insight to our world - one that Timmy allows us to be a part of. Take yesterday . . . . . . I finished setting up the Halloween village and decorations - the house looks very festive! Timmy came up to us and asked, "What day of Halloween do we trick-or-treat?"
Huh?
He asked again . . . . with a slight tinge of 'you are the dumbest parents on the planet' tone.
Again, huh?
Rich simply said, "Sunday."
Now the tone was 'you are the dumbest parents in the galaxy and how did I get stuck with you' mixed with an eyeroll . . . . .
"But WHAT Sunday?"
Rich: "Sunday, October 31st - you know, HALLOWEEN."
Nope, no sarcasm there.
Timmy: "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! You mean Halloween is only one day?"
*sigh*

Today has not been much different in Timmyland . . . . .
He and Andrew had been playing in the basement when he came running up and asked me if I knew how to play 'Rock, paper, scissors, shoe'.
I gave him the dog head tilt - so did Rich.
I asked is he meant 'rock, paper, scissors' . . . you guessed it - eyeroll, sigh, dumb parent thing . . . NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He MEANT 'rock, paper, scissors, SHOE!'
Silly me.
I asked him to show me . . .
Wait for it  .................................
"Rock, paper, scissors . . . SHOE!"
Yup. He thought it was 'shoe' - not 'SHOOT'.
When he went to show scissors, he made them look like a gun - totally on accident. So, he wanted to use a shoe but tried to use a gun to shoot my paper when he really wanted to cut it.

But it gets better. Didn't think it was possible? Have you not met Timmy?

A few minutes ago he came up from the basement and yelled (even though we were in the same room),
"I am hungry!"  (shocker)
We didn't answer - he was merely making a statement. Yes, we can be just as passive aggressive.
Then he yelled, "Can. I. Have. A. SNACK???????????????" (in a voice best described as the devil meets Edith Bunker)
Me: "Of course"
Timmy: "OK! But first! I have to go to the bathroom!" (said in his best superhero voice)

After a minute, he comes back (hands washed, thankfully) and proceeds to get his snack. All of a sudden we hear a loud thud/crash followed by "I'm OK!" . . . . . .
Phew - I was ready to call 911 and The National Guard! I am SO glad he was ok! Crisis averted!
Almost.
About 10 seconds later we hear, "Can the dogs eat Sunchips?"
Rich: "They can have a couple - not a lot!"
Genius boy: "Two?"
Rich: "Yes, that's fine"
Genius boy: "Ummm, how about three?"
"Wait! How about four?"

*sigh*

And it isn't even 3:00.